do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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