so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
