your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
