the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
