Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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