Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
