he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
