he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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