My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
