Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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