I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize