You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
