I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
