Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
