dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize