You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
