so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
