Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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