Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
