I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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