Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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