when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
