And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to stick my p in your. b.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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