I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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