is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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