from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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