I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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