2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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