guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
