the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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