Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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