she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
