After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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