you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
