remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
