Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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