bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
