Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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