I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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