It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
