he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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