dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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