Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
