I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
