Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
