My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
