My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
