This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
