Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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