DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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