as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
