watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
