time to smoke my breakfast
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
