Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
