Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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