Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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