I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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