you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
