When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize