"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
