you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
