what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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