I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
