I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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