Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
