So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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