I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
