I got chris browned last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize