She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
