So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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