he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i barfeds in our rink
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
