life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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