is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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