Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A bitchslap is in order.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
