Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
