My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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