I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize