I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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