I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
