So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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