i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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