I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
