I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
