I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
