How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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