she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
