So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
