Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
