We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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