You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
