You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize