Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
