I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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