if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
