after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
