how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
