i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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