Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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