what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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