If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
