the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
