how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
