but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
